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IGUDESMAN AND JOO - Wolfgang Amadeus Bond

Рекомендую посмотреть http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvlCu1_noTc и сходить 2 октября. Концерт состоится в Московской Консерватории.http://www.igudesmanandjoo.com/tourdates-3/
Mr. Cevapcic: Dr. Pepper! Where's Kal Kalich, u picku majku?

Dr.Pepper: I have absolutely no idea. He was talking about making a Hawaiian pizza or something...

Mr.Cevapcic: Dr.Pepper! I wanted to tell you that we are luckier than all people alive.

Dr.Pepper: Couldn't agree more, Mr. Cevapcic. How did you come to that conclusion?

Mr. Cevapcic: Most people are stuck in their quest for religion and search for answers to questions that are most likely impossible to answer. What's it like on the other side? Is there an another side? Or are we just a little scam and a trick in the hands of some higher form of life or existence. Anyways, Dr.Pepper, as far as we go, you'll come back as a puddle of piss and I'll come back as a hunk of shit, a s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-spicy one! I can feel the stench already...liberation stench!

Dr. Pepper: God praise reincarnation, Mr. Cevapcic!
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper! You like eating sandwiches?
Dr.Pepper: Nope, I don't eat them, but I feel obnoxious when people eat them.
Kal Kalich: Why's that?
Dr.Pepper: I believe that every sandwich has a personality and a soul and that the humankind should stop eating them.
Kal Kalich: Every sandwich has a personality?
Dr.Pepper: Yeah, all foods have personality..what? You don't think I have personality?
Kal Kalich: Well, you can talk, can't you?
Dr.Pepper: Whatever made you think that the food that don't talk doesn't have personality?
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper! What kind of watches do you like? Wrist watches, alarm clocks, sand watches...
Dr.Pepper: I like waterfall watches.
Kal Kalich: Waterfall watches?
Dr.Pepper: Yes, because every time I look at waterfalls it gives me the sense that time is flushing away not ticking away. And with that flushing comes the bringing of life and destruction.
Kal Kalich: Destruction?
Dr.Pepper: Water brings life, that's true, but in the end it makes everything sodden and moist, thus bringing erosion and ultimately destruction.

PS Makes you think about this little hymn sung in many protestant schools and communities:

‘Have you heard the raindrops ’

Have you heard the raindrops drumming on the rooftops'?
Have vou heard the raindrops dripping on the ground?
Have you heard the raindrops splashing in the streams
And running to the rivers all around?
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;

There's a busy workman digging in the desert,
Digging with a spade that flashes in the sun:
Soon there will be water rising in the wellshaft,
Spilling from the bucket as it comes.
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;

Nobody can live who hasn't any water,
When the land is dry then nothing much grows;
Jesus gives us life if we drink the living water,
Sing it so that everybody knows.
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;
There's water, water of life, Jesus gives us the water of life;
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper! Why does any given person take an oath of silence?
Dr.Pepper: (in his mind) I guess it all adds up to the fact that this person is so ashamed of him/herself and his/her doings that he/she comes to a conclusion that it's high time he/she shut up and take the time to listen to the inner voice inside of you...and maybe other people once in a while.
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper, so what do you think?....Dr.Pepper.......DR.PEPPER!!!

PS Bedtime stories by Kal Kalich is proudly presented to you by Kal Kalich!
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper? Have you experienced any extremes lately?
Dr.Pepper: Extremes? What do you mean?
Kal Kalich: Bungee jump, scuba dive, throw rocks on a passing by car...
Dr.Pepper: I saw a movie about Samuel Jackson and some motherf@king snakes on a motherf@king plane and I recently jumped off a building. I was really pissed, thought that I'd make it without hurting myself...
Kal Kalich: Well, what happened? You hurt yourself?
Dr.Pepper: No, I hurt some one else. Fell on some guys head and killed him.
Kal Kalich: You don't weigh that much, how is that possible?
Dr.Pepper: I just came out of a frosty relationship. Turns out all my insides were frozen because of it.
Kal Kalich: So that means you're an icy jerk ... twice!
Dr.Pepper: Nope, I hurt someone (thing) else that don't mix with me, plus I killed a guy cause of my physical state and inappropriate behaviour. Also, I don't give a rat's ass in the end so that make me a jerk three times in a row.
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper! How do you live with yourself?
Dr.Pepper: Pay the phone bill on time, drink my beer up and fuck around with everybody elses business! Works for me.

PS Someday Samuel L. Jackson is going to be eaten by a huge motherf@king snake! I heard he still carries around that wallet from "Pulp Fiction" with the "Bad Motherfucker" sign on it. Turns out that that wallet was made from a snake skin, so we're expecting a sequel to come out soon (Snakes on Plane 2: Revenge of the Bad Mother@fucking Snake) since they didn't get him in the first movie...Enough is enough!
Throughout Dr.Pepper's life there haven't been much findings on whether eternal youth could be attained, but sometimes a glimpse of happiness could be the concept of eternal youth we are looking for. According to Dr.Pepper's research the main problem is our everyday life deterrence of ourselves and inability to reach out and grab that moment which brings us to sheer joy. Yet once we reach it there lies the barrier to hold on to it and in our selfish nature we try to not let it go...but you know how that ends.

Todays' message is to lose all self-deterrence and go with the Dr.Pepper flow.

Friday is not that far away...
Kal Kalich: Dr. Pepper, have you ever stayed at the YMCA?
Dr.Pepper: Are you implying that I had a homosexual experience?
Kal Kalich: Well?
Dr.Pepper: Yes..... I did. I did have such an experience.
Kal Kalich:....?
Dr.Pepper: I sucked a man's cock...................everyday.........for a month......
Kal Kalich: You admit you're a homo then?
Dr. Pepper: The only reason why I stopped by at the YMCA is because they have real nice breakfasts........and souvenir shops.........and boutiques.... God, I'm gay.
Dr.Pepper: Kal Kalich, I just came to a conclusion that shower knobs are like a woman's clitoris!
Kal Kalich: How so?
Dr.Pepper: The shower knobs are so gentle that if you twist them wrong or adjust them in an inappropriate manner you might get burnt or frozen! But if you do the right thing you will be whisked off to paradise!
Kal Kalich: Dr.Pepper! Am I mad?
Dr.Pepper: Why do you ask?
Kal Kalich: Since you are imaginary and I talk to you so often, I thought that I might be going over the limit of my sanity. I mean, you're an ideal 0,33 ml beverage with 23 tastes, all at the same time! Not many people could boast about such qualities in their range of versatile forms of personalities.
Dr.Pepper: Ok, dude! Now you're starting to scare me!